Happy New Year, y’all! We transitioned to 2019, and all of us at A Catholic Misfit are grateful for having made it through yet another year. And what a year it was, amirite?
Rather than offer a retrospective of 2018, which many of us would rather forget, or list my resolutions for 2019, I decided making predictions for the upcoming year across the Catholic world – both virtual and real – would be more fun.
I’ve got a bunch of tea leaves ready. Here we go!
January: The New Pro-life Movement marches at the annual Women’s March in Washington, D.C., but boycotts the March for Life the very next day, because being anti-abortion isn’t pro-life enough.
February: The bishops’ meeting in Rome on the sex abuse crisis is postponed for six months after Cardinal Cupich asks that a consistory on global climate change be held instead, rather than go down a rabbit hole.
March: Michael Hichborn and Michael Voris get arrested outside the LA Religious Ed Congress, for coming to blows over who’s a more faithful Catholic; Pope Francis declares abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent is no longer binding on Catholics.
April: The USCCB receives an indult to change the Sunday Mass obligation, transferring all Masses to Christmas and Easter, since most Catholics only attend Mass those days anyway.
May: Patheos Catholic adopts all the separated children at the southern US border, and gives each of them their own blog platform.
June: The National Catholic Reporter accidentally publishes stories in support of Humanae Vitae and Church teaching on homosexuality. 75% of their subscribers cancel their subscriptions, forcing them to shut down.
July: Catholic writer and podcaster Jen Fulwiler tours with comedian Jim Gaffigan, becoming the headliner halfway through the tour when fans and critics say she’s funnier.
August: Cardinal Cupich gets the sex abuse crisis meeting pushed back another six months, this time so the bishops can talk more about immigration and migrants.
September: Catholic website 1Peter5, suffering through a year-long donation drought, hires retired Archbishop Carlos Maria Vigano to write a weekly column in order to boost contributions.
October: Catholic Twitter is declared a universal near occasion of mortal sin.
November: EWTN airs a new television show that people actually watch.
December: The Catholic Church survives yet another year of us ridiculous sinners doing stupid stuff trying to tear it down.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and say December is most likely to come true. Although, given the self-parody we see and hear on a daily basis, who can say about the rest?
My advice for 2019? Keep your sense of humor, don’t take yourself seriously, read my blog, and pray always.
Especially that last one.
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