Star Wars Characters in the Confessional

Because it’s May the Fourth…

Luke Skywalker

Luke: “Forgive me father, for I have sinned…”

Darth Vader: “But Luke, I am your father.”

Luke: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Kylo Ren

Ren: “Forgive me, father, I have sinned. I killed my father. Oh, and I continue to struggle with my temper. The slightest thing sets me off.”

Priest: “For your penance, say 15 decades of the rosary.”

Kylo: “WHAT?!?!? 15 DECADES?!?!?

Angry Episode 7 GIF by Star Wars - Find & Share on GIPHY

Han Solo

Han: “Forgive me, father, I have sinned. My last confession was before I did the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.”

Priest: “But parsecs are a measure of distance, not time.”

Han: “What?”

Priest: “Never mind. What do you need to confess?”

Han: “I shot first.”

Darth Vader

Vader: “Forgive me, father, I have sinned. I tortured fifteen rebel scum, materially cooperated in the destruction of Alderaan, used a force chokehold on seven people – I’m trying to get better with that, but my temper! -, oh, and I forgot to mention last time, but I single-handedly annihilated the Trade Federation Council.”

Priest: “Your sins are forgiven, my son. For your penance, say three rosaries. Say the Luminous Mysteries…beca-…ack…can’t….breathe….Vader….!”

Vader: “Oh, sorry Father. It’s just that I don’t like the Luminous Mysteries. [pause] You okay in there?”

Priest: [gasping]

Yoda

Yoda: “Sinned I have, father, for forgiveness I please ask, hmm?”

Priest: “What?”

Yoda: “Forgiveness seek I do, father, for sinned I have, hmmm?”

Priest: “Huh?”

Yoda: “Father, down the dark path looked have I, so forgiveness seeking come I have, hmm?”

Priest: “What?”

General Ackbar

Ackbar: “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

Emperor Palpatine: “Ha, you fool! This is not a confessional, but a fully functional and operational Death Box!”

Ackbar: “IT’S A TRAP!!!!!”

Photo credit: gordontarpley on Visual hunt / CC BY

Author: thelarryd

LarryD resides in Michigan.

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